Annie Browne

On Life, Fitness, and Happiness

WTF: Things I need to Get Off My Chest

1,878 Comments

Okay…almost 8 weeks into this parenting thing with Samuel Liberty aka Little Browne, and the only words that come to mind are “WTF???”

That’s right! This is the strangest, coolest, most messed up, beautiful experience I’ve ever had in my life and I need to vent about a few things.

Here’s my list of WTFs:

– After 40 years of being the boss of my own body, I have NOT been the one in charge for almost a year. That sucks.

– Why is baby poop so interesting???

– Who the hell thinks it’s cool to wake up every 2-4 hours at night? I mean, it’s not like that bottle of formula is THAT tasty, right?

– My 6-pack is gone, and may never return. This is my new personal challenge…the quest for a 6-pack. If I can’t find it sometime soon in CrossFit, I’ll go to BevMo and get me one (or two)!

– How can something so small and cute produce so many bodily fluids all at one time? I just witnessed burps, spit-up, farting, poop, sneezing and a huge booger all in the span of 6 minutes. Pull it together, little man! Chicks don’t dig that shit!

– Breastfeeding is strange to me. There, I said it. I like formula, so does Sammy.

– What is with this spontaneous and meaningless crying? Yes, Yes, I know, they communicate that way. I’m just wondering what he’s trying to tell us when we’ve exhausted ALL avenues to comfort him and yet he still “communicates” to us for an hour most evenings. I sure hope he translates what the hell all that meant once he can use his big boy words.

– Our parents used to put whiskey on our gums and in our bottles to calm us; who’s idea was it to stop that tradition?

– Who knew that babies had to learn to relax their sphincter so they can poop properly? Nobody told us this until we called the Doctor, frantic because he was turning red and straining for hours like he might die. Oh, you mean the pooper doesn’t come ready to work? There’s a learning curve there. Great. Thanks, God.

– Last but definitely not least; who knew one little being could provide so much love and joy? And he even looks like us!

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Comments

  2. CyndeeSmolik says

    OMG!  You are hysterical!  I love that you can put all those motherly thoughts into one blog.  Most mothers are afraid to say that stuff out loud for fear of being judged.  You go girl.  The WTF list will never go away, it will just change as rapidly as Sammy does.

    Reply

  3. luvmky says

    Oh the things we learn once they are out in the world.  By the way, if you havent looked in to teaching Little Browne sign language in the next year…do it!  It wasnt the “thing” when my son was small, but when my daughter came along it was a big deal.  And I have to tell you, it save us hours of trying to figure out what she was trying to tell us.   The best was “more” and “drink”.  If I remember correctly we started working with her at about 7 or 8 months old.  It takes some time but
     
    it helped relieve a lot of stress in the early days before speech came along.  Glad you and Annie are enjoying all the fun that comes with a new baby!  Enjoy your first Christmas as 3.
     
    Janet Marcotte

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  4. awanderingwino says

    Welcome aboard Annie! Fun times! Congrats, you are 100% normal!
     
    While I cannot relate with all comments (being a man who’s never given birth) I certainly can connect with many of them….and right now (again) with our daughter that is just under a month old, well I am reminded of them all over again.
     
    Lots of discovery for sure and a lot more for me to learn…..even having gone through it with a previous daughter.
     
    Sometimes highlights in the day for me can be as simple as an undisturbed bathroom experience…..shower or other. Heck a shower before 5 PM is awesome any day! A venture out of the house solo………anywhere…..even picking up a prescription. Now having a 3.5 year old…..watching any TV/Movie that is not animated. Many of these apply with a 2nd child come to think of it ha ha. 
     
    Having kids is awesome! My girls are the light in my day and make me smile like I never did before. I did not realize how much I missed them my whole life before they were born until now. Wine helps!

    Reply

    • AnnieBrowne says

      @awanderingwino Ohhh…Shawn! You’re right back at the starting gate! That’s so awesome that you’re enjoying the experience all over again. We’ll have to get together over a glass of wine to compare battle experiences!!!

      Reply