I’m pushing 34 weeks pregnant and can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon, our little dude will be out and we’ll be able to see him, smell him, and get to know him and all that good stuff. I’ll be able to have my body back…sort of, have some wine, eat sushi, and sleep on my back again. Wonderful, right? Umm, I guess so.
What I’m getting at here, is that there’s a huge part of me that’s excited for all of the stuff that I just listed to happen, but there’s also a huge part of me that doesn’t want this to end! I have absolutely LOVED being pregnant. I know some of you may be looking at your computer screens in disbelief, and I’ve heard all the horror stories about crazy and hideous pregnancy symptoms, pain, discomfort, hormonal storms, and any other assorted bad thing that can be associated with being pregnant. Sure, I’ve had some of those symptoms, but I’ve also really enjoyed each and every stage of this whole magical, mystical, strange time in my life.
At almost 41 years old, I’ve spent a lot of my life being my own person. I’ve enjoyed being an independent, capable, female. I’ve also enjoyed being pregnant. The sad thing to me is that, in the big picture, this is a very temporary part of who you are as a woman. Considering that the female body was designed to build a little human, the most amazing magical time seems to just fly by.
When I’m holding my tiny son for the first time in my arms, there will be a little part of me that feels a loss…he’ll never again be as close to me as he has been for the last 40 weeks. I’ve felt him grow, move, hiccup, constantly sensed his presence, and taken him with me everywhere I’ve gone. From the moment he leaves my body and enters the world, he’ll be on an endless pursuit to gain a little more independence as each moment of his life passes. Sure, he’ll depend on me for things, but I’ll watch him drift a little further away each day.
Now before you start thinking that I’m gonna be one of “those” mothers, the one who lives vicariously through her children and loses all sense of her own identity and purpose in life, think again! From the moment that Matt and I started discussing ever having children we both agreed that our job in all this is to raise an independent, productive, capable person that can go out into the world and make great things happen! That being said, we’re here to do our best to give our son the tools that he needs to do all that…I’ll quietly be putting that little sad part of me away somewhere forever; after all, the joy I get from knowing him will fill the space very quickly!