I remember getting all misty and teary-eyed the night before we went in for the C-section to have our little Sammy. Matt asked me what I was thinking about and I told him I was realizing that from the day he was born, every day Sammy would move a little bit farther away from me. He would begin seeking his independence almost from the very beginning, and I was sweetly sad thinking that this night was the closest he would ever be to me.
Now before you go getting all concerned that I want to hold my kid in my arms (or my belly for that matter) for the rest of my life, and have him depend on me for every need, that’s NOT the point I’m trying to make! I have enjoyed and I have survived the intense times where he relied completely and solely on Matt and I for every single need he might have. He still does, obviously, but the independence is creeping in, slowly, but surely, each and every day! We can literally watch him learn new skills on a daily basis and I know that in the blink of our eyes, we’ll be sending him off to college, or wherever it is he goes when he goes. I’ll look back on these days and I’ll cherish them, each little smile, snuggle, the spit-up, the dirty diapers, and the crying…and then I’ll turn to Matt and say “Thank God we only did THAT once”!!!
You see, I’m not sure I could handle all of this again. I have my perfect little baby boy that gazes up into my eyes when I feed him, who smiles a huge toothless grin every time I walk in the room, and who settles down when I nuzzle his upset little face, who completely and unconditionally loves and trusts me. I have all that, and it’s beautiful.
Here’s what I know:
– Someday he’ll want to feed himself and won’t want my help
– Someday he’ll dress himself, showing his very own personal style
– Someday he won’t want to hold my hand crossing the street
– Someday he’ll be embarrassed by me
– Someday he’ll think I’m stupid and annoying
– Someday he won’t need my cooking
– Someday he’ll lose patience with me because I don’t understand him
– Someday he’ll find a woman to love that will be the center of his universe
– Someday I’ll dance with him at his wedding and know that I had something to do with him knowing how to give a woman his heart
– Someday he’ll have kids and then he’ll come to me and hopefully thank me for being his mom. He’ll be able to look at me through different eyes and understand the depth of commitment, the unconditional love, and the most beautiful heartbreak of his life.