Our society claims to want MIA (missing in action) dads to be present and active but why should they be?
Okay, thatâ??s a strong statement I know but hear me out.
As I went through the system with Annie as we went from pregnant to miscarriage to pregnant to having Sammy I noticed many things that are not necessarily inviting for the dads.
-I understand the nurses and doctors talking to the women, after all they are the one carrying the baby, but how about a little more acknowledgement to the guys. I was at almost every single appointment and didnâ??t always feel like my participation was important. If you want to keep guys around involve them. Talk to the man and the woman as a couple.
-â??Women onlyâ? baby showers are dumb. Do the co-ed thing and make a real party out of it. We had a women only one and a co-ed shower, the co-ed shower was a blast. I donâ??t know about the other one because Iâ??m not a woman therefore wasnâ??t allowed to go.
-When Annie and I decided that I would be able to work from home four days per week so I could be with Sammy we were stoked with this even being an option. Itâ??s funny how many curious looks I get when I say that to people. The guy stays home with the baby? Yep, I also do most of the laundry in our house, I change diapers, and feel like I do my share of dishes.
-I feel like every womanâ??s restroom should have a changing table in it for babiesâ?¦but so should the menâ??s restrooms. I Cialis 10mg am absolutely amazed how many places donâ??t have changing tables and even more amazed at how many have one in the chicks bathroom but not in the dudesâ?¦what gives?
-In most advertisements and other places the media generally makes the dad out to be a bumbling jackass that doesnâ??t know what heâ??s doing or the guy that is never around his kids because heâ??s the breadwinnerâ?¦again, how does this help? The scenario being painted is that a guy is dumb regardless of what he does, we need to change this dynamic. Dads are not the punchline.
These are just a handful of things Iâ??ve noticed. It bums me out because I feel like as a society we spend too much time railing on people for this choice or that choice. We spend too much time trying to label each and every person. We spend too much time looking to vilify people.
If we want to change the â??dad problemâ? in this country we need to change how we are doing things. The best place to start is inviting dads to have a seat at the table. This will take time to have impact but itâ??s the best thing I know to do regarding this issue. We need to do this for our kids because as corny as it sounds they deserve this and they are the future. As Iâ??ve said time and time again on this blog, letâ??s be more supportive of people in general. Moms and dads have enough on their plates; this whole kid thing is a freakinâ?? train wreck at times so letâ??s stop vilifying the parents and help turn them into heroes.
David Crowley says
Good post, Matt! I very much agree with the sentiments here. The societal assumption that Dads are not significantly in the parenting picture, even in this day and age, is a source of frustration to me too. Or as you point out, when they are in the picture, it’s the bumbling Dad stereotype. I wrote in similar vein awhile back, in this post, “Parenting: For Moms Only?”.
http://www.davidbcrowley.com/2012/11/24/parenting-for-moms-only/
Matt (Dad to Little Browne) says
Thank you, David. Great points in your post too. It is indeed the language used in media and elsewhere that has been circulating in our society for a long time. It will be interesting to see if/ how things change with my generation…there are more stay at home or work at home dads now. There are also more and more guys blogging about their life as a dad and so on, hopefully these things will help change the old message of what dads in America are.
Kerri O says
I hate how TV shows do this so much…make the dads out to be bumbling idiots. Ha ha, so funny.
Matt (Dad to Little Browne) says
Kerri, yes indeed, TV shows, news organizations, movies, and even a recent Clorox ad which they later removed due to the backlash. Pretty lame.
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