What a difference a year makes. Last Thanksgiving Annie and I were still in the â??just had a babyâ? coma and Sammy was a very unimpressed little mass of weirdness. He was only about a month and a half old at the time of turkey day 2012 and I think there was just a general â??what the hell is going onâ? fog permeating through our house. He had no idea what to do or what was going on and I donâ??t think we, the parents, had much of an idea either.This year however we are not in that coma anymore, although we may be in a different one, and Sammy seems to be grasping far more than he was last year. I know he does not understand any of the reasons behind why we do Thanksgiving, much less anything else, but he is at least more aware and communicative in his own little way.
People have been relentless in telling me to enjoy the moments because they grow up so fast and that I should appreciate that he canâ??t walk, run, or climb yet but honestlyâ?¦I want him to walk, run, and climb. I want him to be able to use real words that I can find in the dictionary. In a weird way itâ??s like we have this foreign exchange student in our home. He doesnâ??t understand us and our customs and we donâ??t understand him or his customs.
Each new phase has brought good things and not so good things. I suppose thatâ??s the story of life. With anything new there are ups as well as downs. Itâ??s been a fascinatingly odd 13 plus months with this little drunk midget who speaks some form of Chinese or something. The unconditional love from him is indescribable but the nonstop gnarly diapers are old and rather disgusting. Seeâ?¦ups and downs.
Have you ever wondered why horses, zebra, and giraffe babies all walk VERY shortly after birth but human babies donâ??t? Maybe are expectations arenâ??t high enough? Just a thought.
So, as we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving and follow it up with Christmasâ?¦parenting isâ?¦well, I donâ??t really have any words to describe it. I donâ??t feel hgh growth it can be described, it is that surreal. Nowâ?¦to my main pointâ?¦
I have fallen off the wagon.
By that I mean that I feel like Iâ??ve lost some momentum recently, or possibly longer ago than recentlyâ?¦and I need to get back on the horse. Iâ??m not sure if itâ??s been a general laziness, maybe a little depression, or possibly feeling somewhat claustrophobic from all that life demands of me (although I know life demands nothing from me, these are demands we place on ourselves). Regardless, I need my focus back. I need to get back to the point of being able to breathe without having to remind myself.
This is a tough time of year for some folks. Some folks donâ??t have family or are not close to their family and others may suffer from that Holiday time of year depression. I understand all of it because at some point I have dealt with all of that personally. My goal this year is to hopefully follow through and put the focus on Sammy. I want him to understand what this time of year really means and in my mind it is about being thankful, reflective, and refocusing on the things in life that truly matter. Itâ??s about surrounding yourself with people throughout your life that are positive, supportive, smart, and insanely funny. Life is too short for anything less.
Iâ??m thankful for a lot this year. Mostly Iâ??m thankful that Iâ??m different than I was a year ago and a year before that. Iâ??m thankful that the journey keeps coming and that even when I feel like Iâ??m on it alone I really know that Iâ??m not. Iâ??m thankful Sammy is mobile and knows some sign languageâ?¦both of these things have relieved some frustrations. Iâ??m thankful that depression has not won and that I have the ability to fight it. Iâ??m thankful for knowing the most amazing people on the planet and that I get to live in Paso Robles.
In the end, I suppose I am simply thankfulâ?¦for all that I donâ??t have and all that I do have. Happy Thanksgiving 2013 Sammy. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you…I hope you are right where you want to be!