Yes…without question!
I suppose I should dive a little deeper into that.
How many people do you know that are always angry, always complaining, always blaming other people, and always making excuses that are fun to be around or are “successful” (general definition applies) in life? If we were to be honest my guess is that the answer would be none.
I use to know this guy, knew him for a LONG time (TOO long if you ask me), that always walked around with a scowl on his face, had a chip on his shoulder, blamed others for his lot in life, was depressed more often than not, and always wondered what he “did” to deserve the crappy life he had. I mean, I liked the guy, but it sucked being around him.
My point is this…in my 34 years of life, the one thing I know for sure is that negativity breeds negativity and positivity breeds positivity. I know, I know…too simple. Well, have you tried being positive for long periods of time? It’s damn hard, until you get use to it from the inside out.
I know this from personal experience, because that guy I described earlier…wait for it…was me. My life sucked…and it sucked because of me…and my attitude. One of these days I will get into what created these changes in my life but for now I want you to trust me…I was that guy that was in the abyss of darkness…but my shift in attitude is 100% behind how I went from that place to the place I stand in today.
We see this all the time…the little kid dying of cancer but has this amazingly positive and upbeat attitude. We see it in the veteran that comes back from war with one leg and no arms…yet he is smiling and living life…imagine that, he’s smiling! And how about that mother of two young babies that loses her husband in something like 9/ 11 and she is laughing, smiling, and spreading the message of her husband.
Life…I said LIFE…is here for only a moment, and if you take the time to really observe and soak in what is going on around you…I am sure you will find that attitude is everything. Negativity is nothing more than an anchor in a sea of desperation and frustration. When times are bad negativity magnifies it and makes it worse. When times are great negativity douses the flame of happiness and passion.
A positive outlook…whether you are suffering from some illness, or you’ve lost someone insanely close to you, or you’re on the verge of being homeless….WILL make those moments of utter HELL…slightly better, which is better than making the negative situation enormously worse.
A few things you can do to get out of the negative rut and experiment with what positivity can do:
1) When you’re feeling crappy, help someone, that always makes you feel good
2) Next time you’re facing that wave of “my life sucks”, focus on something that will change your life for the better rather than how terrible things are
3) When someone you love passes away, remember back to some specific times that made you laugh. Also, focus the legacy you want to carry on for that person
4) Google the words inspiration and motivation, reading the stories and quotes that come up will help…they do for me
5) Talk to someone, build relationships…we all need people to lean on!
There are numerous other things you can do, but this is a start…and again, the point is to be able to monitor and be aware when you’re in the “funk” and test yourself, use some of the above listed tactics and watch the change happen. It will take time to convince yourself, after all, you’re being negative…but stick with it. You are the only one that can make YOU happy or not…it’s your choice on how you internalize things and the perspective you decide to take on what is happening around you.
Choose the good…life is far too short!
Side note: My good buddy Cheri ( on Twitter: @ArveyColumbus ) and I came up with doing a post like this. We’ve had many conversations about the above topic, I always value her insight to life, thank you Cheri!!
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I have had the pleasure of knowing you for your entire 34 years and am so proud of the person you are today. I’ve always loved you as my brother, but now know the pleasure of counting you as one of best friends! Cheers to you, Matt! You rock!
Matthew sometimes I could reach through the Internet abyss and just hug you. Although I don’t know all of the details of your life I do know this as sure as anything, something clicked inside of your head at some point that has lead you down your current path. And God in His infinite wisdom gave you Annie to remind you when your old thoughts creep in here and there that it was YOU who made this choice!
My husband Tom was just like you. Overcame so much on his own to become the man and live the life he wanted to live. In the past year as he has battled leukemia he’s been all about positivity even as he was put through some very hellish treatment and we have spent almost a year of nights apart while he was hospitalized. And when his positivity waned, I tried to take up the banner for the both of us until he was ready to go forward. Oncologists placed high hopes on Tom being the one that would beat this awful disease and come out a winner: be cured. Unfortunately, we’ve recently found out the bone marrow transplant we all had such high hopes for did work and the leukemia is back agressively. Realistic odds of survival are four to six months and perhaps a year if they can find an oral chemotherapy that can slow down the progression. The biggest issue right now is for him to avoid infection as he is lacking immunity due to the aggressive radiation and chemo they gave him in preparation for the transplant. Yesterday he was hospitalized again with a fever. All of the positivity that I’ve become use to is gone. He is depressed and angry and shutting himself off from the world and withdrawing from me which scares me even though I know miracles do happen and odds are just odds. In a normal scenario, Tom would be the first one to say that. But he can’t because he is grieving for his life. Did you know you grieve for your own life? I’m not ready to go there yet. I’m not ready to grieve. I’m not ready for him or US to lose this battle.
You won’t see me tweeting all about how sad, angry or confused I feel. And how it isn’t fair (even though it’s not) that he will leave my life sooner than later. Who needs all of that? It just makes everyone feel a little sad and perhaps a bit obligated to say, “If there’s anything I can do.” I love my friends but what gets ME through all of this is seeing and reading about the joy in other people’s lives. The news shows me enough ugliness. My husband’s suffering is about as much ugliness as I can stand to bear. So continue to share your triumphs and happy experiences and when the stupid things that come down the pike that put bumps in your road appear listen to Annie when she tells you that you’ve handled worse things and will work it out.
Toasting friendship and life,
Cheri
Thanks Heather, that means a lot. Although I think in our older age we don’t look at the past the way we did while we were living it…I was kind of an asshole. I blame it on internal feuding in me versus anything else…just glad I was able to leave that “self torture” behind me and learn to enjoy smiling!!
Thanks again, love you sis!!
Cheri, not sure where to begin…I appreciate you filling me in more on what Tom, and you, are going through. I guess the first thing that comes to my mind is…hope is never lost, whether something goes your way or not, hope is never lost.
Things happen for reasons we may never understand…but my hope for you and Tom is that you live and love until the very last second. When I use to start down the road of anger I would remind myself that nobody is taking my life, my time, from me by doing that other than me…therefore I own that. I own whether I waste the time I have here on Earth or if I choose to live it to its fullest potential.
And I try to understand what people like you and Tom are going through, I know it must feel unfair and unknowing…but we still own THIS moment. I hope Tom doesn’t withdraw too much…he owns this moment…he chooses THIS moment…to hug and love, or to be angry and withdraw.
I guess that’s where I am in my life…to know that I am not promised tomorrow, just like Tom isn’t…what are we going to do about that?? Although I falter, more often than I’d like to admit, I CHOOSE to LIVE, to OWN, and to take care of THIS moment!!
Cheers to you Cheri, and to Tom… I wish you nothing but the best. A toast back to you both!!
YEAH, I love it, when I get in a funk, or something has proven too rough, I ask what is the opportunity in this right now?
Then I go do something I love for at least 15 min. Now, sometimes it takes more than 15 min chuckle.
Michele, that’s actually a great way to handle things…rather than beat your head against a wall, do something else for a bit!! Cheers!! 🙂
Matt,
I LOVE how honest this post is. And I completely agree that attitude changes everything. I usually tend to be one of the positive people who is able to see the silver lining yadayada, and just recently I found that I was lacking my usual spark. It was affecting my job, my sleep habits, my energy levels. As soon as I realized it, I physically focused on being positive and thinking about the good things and voila! I felt better the very next day.
I have also known people who live in the negative. Their only ounce of joy came from belittling others or being extremely sarcastic. It was exhausting hanging out with them. One of them did a complete turnaround. She stepped back, refocused her life, took a coaching course, and is now one of the most energy-uplifting people I know. And she’s starting to make a business out of helping others turn their lives around.
It is truly all about attitude!
Great post!
Pam
Hey there Pam, first, that is awesome that you are naturally a positive person and are able to KNOW when you aren’t being so positive…I actually think that is the most important thing…being aware!
Secondly, that is so awesome about your friend, being able to turn your life around is no easy task…well done to that person!!
Lastly, thank you for stopping by, I appreciate the comment!!
Your blog reminded me of one of my favorite books, The Law of Attraction by Steve Pavlina. In it he explains how The Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. I find it to be truth in my life as well.
Great post, look forward to reading more!
Hi Jennifer…totally agree, and like the Law of Attraction. And it’s nice to pay that premise forward from different people with different ways of wording it…because we each connect differently, etc.
Dominant thoughts tend to pan out…amazing how that works, yet more amazing that more people don’t understand that.
Cheers and many thanks for the comment!!
You are so right. I’m a marketer, so I look at it from a branding perspective. Your attitude is a part of your brand. So make it positive and people will want to “buy” your brand. Great post….and a great way to start my day. Thanks.
Thanks for the comment Jim, much appreciated. You’re absolutely right, a positive attitude definitely helps in the brand experience too. Bottom line is, a positive attitude/ outlook is a win win!! Cheers!!