I do often sit and wonder how I ended up where I am today. You may ask yourself, “Hmm, what is he talking about, where did he end up?” Well, I’ll tell you. Today I own a few small businesses, I live in the wine country of Paso Robles, CA., I have absolutely amazing friends, the family I’m close with is great, I’m healthy, and I’m married to a really incredible person that is patient, capable, hard working, loving, and creative. Even typing this out makes me wonder how in the world I, of all people, am so fortunate to be this happy!
Because I never had any real direction, I grew up in not so ideal family situations, I’m not close with certain family members that everyone should be, I’ve had my issues with self sabotage and self destruction, I spent 10 to 15 years hating myself and thinking I was worthless, and the past ten years trying to climb out of all that and the abyss of some form of depression that apparently ran/ runs in parts of my family.
Don’t get me wrong, I am writing about this because I know each and every one of us has stuff we deal with that we do not like to say out loud…maybe we’re embarrassed or ashamed, maybe we don’t want to burden others…whatever that reason, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we each go through things in this life, but it isn’t about those things, it’s about how we recover from those things.
I really don’t want to freak anyone out, but I know we live in a different world…as you are reading this you have not fully invested yourself into my words yet. So I feel obligated to get you to dive into this with me, and the only way I know how to do that is to tell you something about me that almost nobody knows and that will punch you in the brain. This may or may not be my worst moment, but I just wanted to put something on the table so you can get eye to eye with me right now.
Twice in my life I have had a loaded gun in my mouth, both instances took place about 10 years ago (or more) and I have not felt that way since then. And after reading this you either feel uncomfortable or more connected, hopefully more curious. Am I embarrassed? No. Am I ashamed? No. It is part of my life and has helped shape me into the person that I am proud to be today. I think we would all be surprised at how many people have had feelings like that or have taken a step to do something to themselves…not to mention the actual numbers of suicides that have taken place. Astonishing numbers all the way around.
The point in bringing any of this up is this…we each have a unique life experience that we learn from and gather certain knowledge from; I firmly believe each one of us can help someone…but the only way for that to happen is to talk about things. Just as I spoke candidly in a prior post about my wife and I having a miscarriage, I am speaking openly here now, about another issue…depression. Although, this isn’t just about depression, it’s about helping people and motivating people.
Just as in a marriage, I think there always has to be someone capable of carrying the weight when the other one is not up to par. I think this goes for society in general…especially in the communities we each build (be it online or off line) and live in on a day to day basis…otherwise referred to as our circle.
The purpose of the post was to put another personal nugget of info out there for you to chew on. If my words are helpful fantastic, if I made you think about the issue great, or if you trust me more now after hearing this that too is fine.
When you’re going about your day, try to be nice. I fail at this from time to time…I get the road rage thing and whatever, but I always try to catch myself and realize that I have not walked a mile in that dudes Nike’s, and until I do I really should give him some good old fashion patience. Each one of us has the power and the ability to put this small action into play. Kindness, courage, understanding, and patience will get you farther in life than frustration, anger, and self hate…this I promise you.
So do me, you, and the rest of the world a big favor…be a little easier on those people you come into contact with in the world, and more importantly, be a little easier on yourself!
P.S. I have been fortunate the last ten years to have chosen to take the journey into why and what goes on with me, I advise everyone to do so. Through conversation, reading, discovering, and writing I have been able to deal with my personal issues with the world. I did not want to take the route of using medication, so I fought that much harder to find my own techniques to cope…it has honestly been the most amazing (and painful) journey, I would not change it for anything.
That journey has made me someone that reflects, thinks, and wants to motivate myself and you to do something bigger and better. I have my bad moments now and again, but my lows now are a thousand times less low then they use to be…and the really cool thing is that my highs are so much higher. As I have said before, life is good when we get out of the way and let it be! Cheers!
- Behind The Smiles…Life (matthewliberty.com)