{"id":1800,"date":"2013-10-24T10:57:11","date_gmt":"2013-10-24T17:57:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.littlebrowne.com\/?p=1800"},"modified":"2013-10-24T10:57:11","modified_gmt":"2013-10-24T17:57:11","slug":"managing-claustrophobia-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.threeadventure.com\/littlebrowne\/2013\/10\/24\/managing-claustrophobia-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"Managing Claustrophobia as a Parent"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Sammy<\/a>
Sammy Boy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The definition of claustrophobia as given by a Google search<\/a>: extreme or irrational fear of confined places.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yep\u00e2?\u00a6that.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u00e2??t think anything on the planet provides you with a bigger roller coaster ride of ups and downs than parenting. I\u00e2??m not one of those folks that was \u00e2??born to be a parent\u00e2?\u009d and don’t have a desire to have any more than one. I mean, in truth, I wanted two when I was in my twenties but quickly let go of that in my early thirties when I realized how cool it was to be selfish. <\/span><\/p>\n

All joking aside, I think all parents (or most) feel this way at some point but it\u00e2??s quite possible that someone with my characteristics has it a bit worse. Life can be daunting enough when you deal with depression, self doubt (not the normal amount, an extreme amount), and insecurity\u00e2?\u00a6raising a child while dealing with those things is\u00e2?\u00a6well\u00e2?\u00a6a mess sometimes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why Claustrophobia?<\/h3>\n

I have felt claustrophobic in my own mind before, it\u00e2??s nothing that being a parent has caused, but the added \u00e2??work load\u00e2?\u009d and emotional involvement tends to make it act up more than it used to. I love to work and I think I love to work because I (unfortunately) believe that if you are not producing you are worthless. I\u00e2??m not sure where I picked this trait up but it annoys me. So I tie value to productivity or at least the \u00e2??appearance of productivity\u00e2?\u009d. Working from home with Sammy four days a week doesn\u00e2??t always allow me to do what I think I need to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also never really traveled for fun when I was younger, but when Annie and I went to Germany and Paris in October of 2011 I got the travel bug, but we got pregnant shortly after and the rest, as they say\u00e2?\u00a6is history. This may be selfish, but it\u00e2??s how I feel. We used to go on lots of business trips too, (Annie\u00e2??s work) to San Francisco, San Jose, San Diego, and so on\u00e2?\u00a6now, not so much. I guess I feel kind of stuck here sometimes\u00e2?\u00a6and hey man, I\u00e2??m like a dura electronic cigarette<\/a> butterfly or something, I need to spread my wings.<\/span><\/p>\n

Another aspect of feeling claustrophobic comes from the depression or self doubt that I deal with. If I\u00e2??m not feeling good about myself and it happens to coincide with Sammy having a rough patch it makes me feel even less capable. These are usually the times I turn to a cocktail, attempting to meditate, writing, or getting on the exercise bike for 40 minutes.<\/span><\/p>\n

My purpose for writing any of this and publishing it today is not to have a pity party, it is simply to help those of you that have the same feelings some days. Life is not easy and as humans we make it quite difficult, typically on ourselves. Parenting is not easy and as parents we tend to over think, under think, or marinate in the moments of misery that sometimes shower down upon us. <\/span><\/p>\n

Although I do not believe in balance because life things are constantly shifting\u00e2?\u00a6we need to find some place of contentment and hold onto it for as long as possible. This can come from the realization that we\u00e2??re not alone or maybe it comes from being a little easier on ourselves. This isn\u00e2??t a search for perfection and it can\u00e2??t be since that does not exist. It\u00e2??s a search for finding ways to like ourselves a little bit more which, in turn, will allow us to be better parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u00e2??m still, and probably always will be, dealing with this massively intense and issue ridden ball of myself but I think it\u00e2??s my journey. I used to think \u00e2??oh poor me\u00e2?\u009d or \u00e2??why me\u00e2?\u009d when it came to all of the chaos in my brain but now I view it more as my gift. That probably sounds dumb but this is who I am\u00e2?\u00a6I am imperfect, broken in some places, and I don\u00e2??t always feel good\u00e2?\u00a6but I\u00e2??m always working and wanting to be better. Some of that broken in us isn\u00e2??t really broken, it\u00e2??s just uniquely us. It\u00e2??s a beauty mark of sorts, on the inside, that if looked at from the proper perspective can be a gift.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u00e2??s all about what you choose to do with it.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  The definition of claustrophobia as given by a Google search: extreme or irrational fear of confined places. 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