Note: Little Liberty is in reference to my son, Samuel Liberty.
Every parent has the moments when they want to lock their kid in the closet and drive away for a few hoursâ?¦if you deny this you are either a Saint or you are medicated enough to deal with the occasional bout of â??crazyâ?.
One thing I have realized in almost nine months of being a dad (and in the last four or five months I have been a work at home dad as my wife leaves the house for work four days per week) is that if you do not love your sanity more than your child the house of cards will come down. I know some parents will find that offensive and I really donâ??t care. If you cannot maintain some level of sanity you will lose your mind and the baby/ child will be the one to suffer over the long haul.
Itâ??s been interesting to see my evolution from the first day my wife left for work about five months ago to now. It went from feeling really easy to rather crazy when one of my two businesses got really busy. Attempting to balance those things is always much harder than we think it will be. I think balance is this weird concept. Itâ??s aloof and means something different to everyone.
Balance has always intrigued me because we think of a balance between work and personal life but I donâ??t know thatâ??s really what it is. There are so many aspects in our lives today. We have work, significant others, friends, family, kids, laundry, yard work, grocery shopping, clipping our toe nails, washing the car, paying bills, watching our favorite shows, traveling, and taking showers. I meanâ?¦how do we REALLY balance all of that?
I donâ??t think balance is the thing we should be striving for. Every day brings something different to my door and attempting to enter each day with the same strategy toward balance seems foolish. I also know, for myself and many people I know, that we donâ??t really live in clearly defined areas anymore. We donâ??t go to work from 9 to 5, turn that off and go into family mode after the work day. The different parts of our lives seem to melt together nowadays. Part of this could be due to the hyper connectivity we have and part of it could be the evolution toward multitasking and overachieving.
Regardless, I just donâ??t think balance should be the focus. Instead I think we should be adaptable throughout our days and weeks to what comes but electronic cigarette comparison also have the ability to jump ship if something is starting to overwhelm us or cause any other negative issues.
If we are constantly fighting for balance in the face of a baby crying, the laundry needing to be changed, and trying to get work doneâ?¦weâ??re screwed. Itâ??s setting us up for failure. We canâ??t work the â??way we used toâ? just like we canâ??t educate our children the â??way we used toâ?. Times have changed regardless of what you do for a living and if we continue showing up to perform a job without the right tools the result will be some form of failure. That failure could be feeling shitty about yourself or losing money or whatever.
The point is, f%&$ balance and learn to adapt, evolve, and grow.
Iâ??m still working on this for myself but I have definitely noticed it getting better. The added issue that I deal with is depression and low self worth. The minute I try to shove a square peg in a round hole and fail, I go into the dark abyss and itâ??s not a great place to be especially when Iâ??m trying to be present for the little dude.
Working from home and being a dad at the same time has taught me a lot. Iâ??ve started letting things â??just beâ? more often. I have gotten better at not â??fightingâ? things as much. If Sammy wakes up from his nap and itâ??s time to eat than I donâ??t worry about work or anything else other than taking care of him. Iâ??ve started dividing my day up as it has become easier to see his schedule and needs.
When he naps I write, work, pay bills, or anything I feel I canâ??t do with him on my hip. The problem though is that I need to feel productive so when heâ??s a wake I do things that are easier to doâ?¦like laundry, clean the kitchen, put dishes away, water plants, instead of full out writing I can take little notes, sweep the patio, and so on.
If I try to fight Sammyâ??s needs I will lose. When I stopped fighting and started adapting everything got a bit simplerâ?¦and sanity was easier to come by. My daily life is a journey toward being a good father, maintaining sanity, and being productive. If I can have some amount of these three things on a daily basis I figure I am doing well. I know this will continue to be a work in progress as he changes and as I re-adapt to those changes. Every day is not easy, but every day is worth it.