Lately I’ve been feeling like no matter what I do I’m failing. If I spend a bunch of time with Sammy I feel like I’m neglecting my work. If I spend a bunch of time working I feel I’m neglecting Sammy. For me, the companies I have owned and currently own are like having another child. I love my work and Sammy, pretty equally. I know a lot of people don’t like that statement but that’s who I am.
My purpose on earth is not one singular thing. It’s not just Sammy. There are other things that fulfill me and make me a happy person, too. Work is one of those things. I like feeling that I am doing good work. Like I’m making a difference. That I am bringing something to the table.
All this rambling aside, today was a day that Sammy won out over work. I decided to take him over to Cambria…again. It’s the closest beach to us and it’s actually one of the best ones for a kid. It’s wide open and never crowded when we go in the morning.
I enjoy watching him run around. He took his little John Deere tractor with him and left tractor tire trails all over the beach and of course, he had to pull seaweed all around as well. It’s in those moments, where I have convinced myself that ‘this moment’ is 100% about him, that watching the mind of a child at work is pretty incredible. I hope I don’t teach that out of him. I hope I’m not the one guilty of making him grow up…but it may be inevitable.
When it’s just him and I like that, there is a calmness. It’s peaceful on some level. Other than a couple of other people on the beach it’s as if it were just the two of us left. In the silence, and power, of the ocean. Unfortunately I can’t totally relax because I’m waiting for the other voice to speak up and tell me to be useful…to get back to work. Today was a good day because I was able to keep that voice at bay long enough to breathe deeply a few times and just enjoy my son. A work in progress, like everything in life.