After hearing about the suicide of an online acquaintance, I am reminded of conversations my wife and I have often…along with thoughts I have had.
This life is short, precious, full of ups and downs…but more importantly, in this life, every single one of us has the power, the ability, and the gift of impacting another human being. There are two things we spend too much time on instead of building true relationships. One is negativity, and the second is our selves. We’d rather talk poorly about people that are “different” than we are and we definitely would rather talk about “ME” than focus on someone else.
It’s sad to me…but trust me, I don’t think everyone can be saved…and I certainly don’t think everyone needs to be saved. I’m also not much of a fan of intruding on “life” and the natural progression of things…but I do know this; if each of us spent more time trying to build real, true, solid relationships with people…this world would be a better place.
The above mentioned acquaintance had it all…international travel, loved his work, married with children…or, at least on the outside it seemed he had it all. What was going on inside? Did he suffer from depression? Was he going through so much “stuff” that he just couldn’t carry the load anymore?
I’m going to be honest for a minute, well, I’m always honest…but this is where people start getting uncomfortable. I have been in that boat…the feelings of being overwhelmed, depressed, and so on…I’ve had that thought of ending it all. I didn’t think I had a place, I didn’t think it mattered anymore. I’m happy to say that was ten plus years ago and my life is so drastically different now. More of us have had those feelings than not. People feel ashamed and embarrassed to admit things like this…which is why there is still such a stigma attached to all of this; and many don’t want to burden others with these thoughts.
It goes back to what I mentioned above and in other posts…we are here on this journey, right now, together…T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R…start acting like it. The only thing that matters at all when you are on your death bed is human relationships and the lives you’ve encountered along this path.
So, instead of talking crap about your friends or anyone else, lend a hand. Rather than tear down, help build. These are choices we each make individually, to be positive and helpful…or negative and harmful. Your words can make a monumental difference, or no difference at all…but it’s worth the effort. Cultivate your relationships; be a real friend, don’t just play the part. There is, without question, enough negativity in the world…we DO NOT need to add to it.
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So true Matthew! Something I didn’t share in my post was that before my Grandmother passed away (my father’s mother) she told me and Tom that she had taken guns away from my father in the past because he would get depressed. That was news to me and when I shared it with my mother she was surprised as well! Anyway, as I sat there with what had to have been a stunned look on my face I said to her, “Grandma, it was 1970, why didn’t you get him some help?” Her reply was the true response of someone who was born in a small rural town where families often “hid” the truths of some things: “We didn’t do that in those days!” Wow! And so she lost a favored son at the age of 40! Other than the divorce from my mother, my father could have had the world by the behind but just didn’t see it that way. You just never know…
Yipes, enough of that Matthew, let’s talk about me, me ME! Seriously, I’ve been impacted by the same death and have just completed a column about the life-affirming lessons I took from hearing about that suicide.
Top of the list is giving back to the world and that FORCES one to think less of themselves. In Judaism, there’s a prohibition against gossip that is called, Lashon Hara. Gossip – or negativity as you’ve labeled it – is considered murdering someone’s soul! Think about it. Once you say something ill of someone – true or not – getting back is like chasing a leaf in the wind.
I, too, have had those dark thoughts – as recently as 3 years ago. What helped me get over myself was the good works I started doing, beginning with mentoring a young man with a fatal disease. THAT will put some perspective in your head!
Great post!
Cheri…thanks for sharing!! There is still very much a stigma around “depression” and “suicide”…not discussed nearly enough. I appreciate the comment Cheri…thank you!
Bruce…I am very glad you worked through those issues too…and I’m thankful for your comment! We are only human, so we are bound to falter, but the idea of not being negative (or gossiping) is huge…difficult at times, but huge.
I just wish we could get over our own insecurities and ignorance in order to build a stronger human community.
Cheers Bruce!
Great post, Matt!
Thank you Scott, I appreciate it!!
Thanks for a beautiful and honest post, Matt. That suicide shook many of us, and I appreciate your effort to find some meaning in it. As you say, a great reminder that relationships are important and words have consequences. Whether online or in the real world, I hope I do something each day to build people up. That’s what your acquaintance did during his lifetime, and I know he’d be pleased to be remembered that way.
Robert, I really appreciate the comment and your thoughts. It’s amazingly sad and a reminder that things aren’t always what they appear…that what goes on behind the scenes is often times different. We really should be there in support of one another versus tearing each other apart…I am very happy I knew him, even on the limited basis that I did.
Thank you again Robert!
Great REAL post Matt! Reminds me of James 3. Something that has helped shape me and rid me of loads of negativity was “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” I think our flesh naturally gravitates toward the negativity despite the fact we may hate it.
Our words shapes ourselves and others. They are extremely impacting and it all starts with controlling our thinking. Lifting each other up and listening to make those real connections you reference is so very important. Weather you believe in Jesus or not, he made it clear, it’s not all about me.
On the heels of my last comment, I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. Be well my friends.
Hey Shawn…fantastic comment man, love that. Life is this amazing journey full of relationships, people, stories…but I really think we need to be more understanding of what others may be going through…and as you say, lifting each other up!
Thanks again Shawn!
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