Some of Us Are Out of Control!!!

We’ve worked our little family into a pretty good routine these days; Matt works from home and takes care of Sammy 4 days a week while I go to work. I work from home 1 day a week, and cover evenings and weekends. We usually get a babysitter once a week to get out for a couple of hours, and Sammy has gotten pretty predictable in his sleeping and eating habits. We’ve got a pretty good life!

All that being said…I was still finding myself obsessing over Sammy and his schedule. Every time I took over for Matt, I would HAVE to know everything!!! Here’s a little bit of how it would go:

Me: When did he wake up?

Matt: Ummm, I don’t know, 6ish I think…

Me: So, was he happy or fussy?

Matt: He was, ummm, normal

Me: Okay, but did he poop?

Matt: Yeah

Me: How much???

Matt: Ummm, I don’t know, a medium amount or so

Me: And how much did he eat?

Okay…you get the idea…by trying to gather all of this information, I would start to get some feeling of control over the situation. You see, I think the biggest challenge for me with this whole baby thing was the feeling that I don’t have control over anything anymore. I can’t control what he does or when he does it, or how or why or any of it! And this makes somebody like me a little bit crazy. How do I fix it??? I try to create a sense of control over the situation by gathering as many facts as possible so I could then make logical predictions about what might happen next. The funny thing is, doing this only made me crazier!!! And guess how it made Matt feel??? Yeah, not super happy.

I finally realized (with some serious encouragement from Matt) that the only thing I have control over is how I react and respond to things. I have a choice how I handle each little scenario and experience throughout the day, and am in complete control of my choices! Phewww, what a relief!!! I’m no longer careening through each day, feeling frantically out of control on the inside while trying to appear calm and super cool on the outside. The funniest thing about all of this, is that no matter how much information I gathered, Sammy would still do whatever he was going to do. I had been neglecting to read his signals and cues as well as using my own instincts to get through the day and provide him with what he needed.

He’s a very happy and pleasant baby, but like all babies he has his moments of unexplainable upset. He sleeps 9-10 hours every night, loves all of the vegetables and fruits that I’ve introduced, laughs, smiles, and coos at all the right times. In other words, he’s awesome and we consider ourselves very fortunate. Every now and then we even wonder if we might have had something to do with how cool he is, but who really knows?!?!

This whole parenting thing is a mindblowing experience! That’s the only way I can describe it!!! It’s mindblowing in a beautiful, tragic, frustrating, amazing, incredible way! I love it, and I’m learning something new about myself all the time. Now, all I have to do is keep my hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, hold on loosely, and enjoy this beautiful ride!