I am a woman; therefore, fixating on my body image is an inherent part of my existence. Okay, okay, I realize I’m being gender prejudicial with that statement, but just roll with it for now. I honestly can’t remember a time when I felt truly happy with my body. And when I say ‘body’ I mean my weight, my fitness, my hair, my skin, whatever. There have been times when I’ve been much happier than other times, but the point here is that I have allowed myself to feel less worthy because of how I perceive my own self.
Here’s what I do when I think about my current state of being: I compare myself to others and through some sort of wack-ass algorithm come up with an acceptable level of comfort with myself. What does that mean, you say? Well, it means that I come up with a bunch of reasons why I don’t look like Annie Thorisdotter…
Here are some of my reasons:
– That Annie is young…technically, according to certain biological clocks and whatnot, she could be my dotter! (daughter, dotter, get it? Her Dad’s name is Thor, that’s how that shit works in Iceland).
– That Annie’s job is to be fit. After all, she’s the 2011 and 2012 Fittest Woman on Earth, according to the world of CrossFit.
– This Annie’s job is to be a wife, mom, engineer, home cook, and self-proclaimed CrossFitter. Hmmph.
– This Annie just had a baby and is almost 42 years old!!! (Totally not a legitimate reason, but I still use it).
– That Annie has more time in her day to focus on what she eats.
Seeing a pattern here? I am. These aren’t reasons, they’re excuses. Excuses suck. They serve nobody. What they do for me is give me yet another reason to not be happy with my body exactly the way that it is.
On the other side of the coin, I watch a show like Biggest Loser and come up with a bunch of reasons why I should feel great about myself.
Here are some of these reasons:
– Well, at least I don’t need to go on that show!
– Those people have had bad eating habits for years, I’m doing a lot better than that!
– I may not be totally happy with my weight, but it’s not THAT bad!
What am I doing here??? I’m justifying my current perception of myself by making me seem better than some other people. More excuses!!!
So, where does all this lead? I’ll tell you. It leads to me learning how to be happy with myself how I am right this very minute! How dare I spend so much time and energy comparing myself to others instead of appreciating my body for what it does for me every day?!?! I am healthy, strong, capable, loved, and I am perfect, just the way that I am! Now, if I want to make adjustments here and there, then that’s on me, it’s not Annie Thorisdotter’s or Biggest Loser’s responsibility to motivate me in some twisted way. This shit stops NOW!!! Are you with me??? Why can’t a woman be happy with the fact that she is what she is? I woke up today and I am a reflection of the choices I make on a day-to-day basis, over my lifetime. I should be proud of that, right?
And so should YOU!!!